Scared to be Hungry

My blog post yesterday was optimistic about my legs post-run, but as I was trying to elliptical at the gym yesterday, they felt like they were falling apart.  Definitely some overcompensation from the muscles responsible for internal rotation (ie. TFL, certain hip flexors).  Very, very uncomfortable.  I’m taking today off to give them a breather.

Hip

On another note, I hopped on the scale today expecting to at least have gone down a pound.  I slacked off a LOT in DC during my internship and gained about 3-4 unwanted pounds.  Also, as most of you know, coxing involves being small – probably smaller than I’d like to be, but you make sacrifices – and I’m nowhere near there by now.  I’d rather be muscular than small, but I love coxing. 

Kick in the face.

Breathe.

I have a tendency to freak out and get really, really frustrated when I don’t get what I want.  Not in the “cry and scream on the ground” type of thing, but all internally.  The all-internal way might be worse.

I realized that I’m scared to be hungry.  Is that weird?  As in, I eat extra snacks/overcompensate because I don’t want to feel hungry.  It might be that sometimes I get light-headed when I’m too hungry (sugar drop), or that maybe I’ve had a bad experience in the past, but it’s still super weird.  It’s like I can’t wait to be actually hungry to eat… I always eat before, on desire or as a preventative measure.

Strange, indeed.  So, this week, I have one challenge for myself: eat when hungry.  That’s it.  Right now, I’ve been awake for approximately an hour, and only at this instant is my stomach beginning to growl.  I think I’ll head downstairs, whip up some coffee (thank goodness for k-cups), eat an orange and one or two hardboiled eggs.  My family is headed out to get wood-fired pizza for dinner, so I’m going easy on the carbs beforehand.

Any of you guys feel the same?  Must keep trucking on!  Operation coxswain-weight is in effect!

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